It happens far too often. I find myself sitting across from someone in a small but busy coffee shop. The friend across from me has been someone I’ve known for years, but what’s different is now, the friend looks tired. The haunted look in their eyes is soon given context by the words of pain they share. The monologue always starts unique but ends with a desire to walk away from the faith. And every time, I’m left heartbroken.
But why is this such an ordinary conversation? There’s no denying it; young people are leaving the church in droves, and while some seem to care, the leaders who care often offer up the authority of scripture as a sacrifice to appease those who are hurt and struggling with their disbelief. But that is no answer either. Scripture, all of scripture is the authoritative word of God and should be treated as such.
But as someone who’s been called to dedicate my life to ministry, I feel obligated to find a solution…
One of the most common things that I find in conversations with many of my peers who are doubting or walking away from the church is often they are offended by the teachings of scriptures. Which I find rather humorous; there’s an old Christian cliché that the gospel is offensive, so what if the reason so many people are offended by the teachings of scripture because they never had really been taught them in the first place?
I’ve spent most of my life in churches that were so big that you would never possibly be able to know everyone in the church. Let me be clear, I believe in mega churches. I was raised in mega churches and have met some incredible people in them. Still, when reflecting on the ideas I present in this post, I realized that far too often, we prefer to hear sermons that encourage us rather than convict us.
But it’s not just in our pulpits; look at any Christian influencer on social media, and those with the biggest following all have some variation of the same encouraging message. But here’s the thing, Jesus never modeled being encouraging all of the time. Many times, un-minced words of correction and conviction were given by Jesus. However, in the day of hype-sensitivity and cancel culture, it’s clear that our culture wouldn’t respond to bold teachings and calls to change. In fact, I’m convinced that if Jesus was around today, He would be “cancelled.” But just because our culture doesn’t like the teachings of scripture, means we can back down in teachings of scripture. So how do we share the entire scriptures, both the parts that encourage us and convict us? I think Jesus offers that answer too.
Known as the twelve disciples, Jesus had a group of close friends, all who were deemed the most offensive sinners of the day. Jesus did life with the disciples. He had a deep relational investment with these people, and it was because of the relational equity Jesus had, He was able to correct and teach them, even when it was offensive.
But this wasn’t just modeled by Jesus. A quick overview of early church history reveals that the disciples, the apostle Paul, and many other church leaders would copy this, and it would eventually be called discipleship.
Discipleship is one of the biggest responsibilities of not just the church but of every follower of Christ. I can count on one hand the men who I have in my life who, even though we don’t attend the same church, pour into me, and disciple me. These men have been through a lot with me, they’ve sat across the table from me as I’ve cried about the hardships of life, and they’ve championed me through it. But just as importantly, they aren’t afraid to get on my toes. They say the hard things not because they want to hurt me, but they want me to grow. Discipleship isn’t about beating someone down; it’s about calling people to be the best version of themselves.
The reason those who disciple me can say the hard things is because I know they want God’s best for me. They have seen me at my worst and know that I’m not defined by my worst days. The relational equity we have is the key to how to they push me to grow. Loving someone to be better is, simply stated, the reason of discipleship.
So, when big churches teach and inspire, but never correct, they fail at discipleship. But you can’t just tell someone they have to change; you have to walk through it with them. Because we know that God’s way is the best way, and we also know that the fickleness of the human heart wants to rebel and reject it. We all have days where we want to pick what’s easier over what is beneficial, but it’s in those moments where I want to throw in the towel, I get to lean on the men who’ve poured into me and are some of my biggest supporters.
So, I wonder, what if the people who walk away from the faith and give in to their own doubt just needed someone to walk through it with them? What if there was someone there who would push them to lean into truth over feelings?
So Dear church, you don’t need flashy lights, rock concerns, a trendy pastor, or a catchy logo to reach people. Sure, those things get them in the seats of your church but buying them a cup of coffee and building a relationship with them will be what keeps them there.
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