From The Desk of David

I’m four months into this quest for identity. And all I can say is—be careful what you pray for. If you know, I decided at the beginning of the year that I was going to devote 2023 to embracing my identity as a child of God and boy did, I get opportunities. In fact, one happened today. I got that email—you know the one, the email that says another door had closed. Something that has seemed to be in abundance the last eighteen months–closed doors. But today, I decided to throw a pity party for myself because of that email. 

Spending the next hour, allowing my thoughts to circle, and wondering “does God even need me?” I had pretty much talked myself into a funk. But these frustrations were nothing new, in fact, wasn’t I just sitting on a therapist’s couch three days prior saying the same thing? This season has had more than its fair share of frustration and questions. The Friday before which I had spent venting to you my therapist about. “Does God even need me? “I asked. Which the therapist would respond, “No… He doesn’t. “How bizarre? That a therapist would say something so defeating, and hopeless. He would let us sit in silence for a moment – finally, interrupting it, “he chooses us. “The therapist would begin to go on to ask me about the young kids of a dear friend that I deeply loved and cared about. “How would you feel if you were vacuuming, and one of the kids came up and wanted to help? Would you shoo them off? Or would you rather invite them in, knowing that it was going to make the task that much more difficult? “I immediately knew that I would invite them in. Sure, was it expedient and effective? No. But that wasn’t the point. The point was I cared for them and knew it was about the relationship with them—more than “completing” any task. 

I quickly rationalized my decision to the therapist and explained why I would do what I knew I would. He would respond, “God does the same for us.” God chooses us. The therapist would go on to draw my attention to a familiar passage in the opening pages of exodus. In the familiar pages of the story of the burning bush, I found something new. You see, God didn’t need Moses. He just well could’ve sent someone else to demand pharaoh Let the Israelites go—Someone who would have been far more qualified and better at public speaking than Moses. But He didn’t. It wasn’t about “ability or skill.” It was about the fact that God wanted Moses. God chose Moses and that is what made him qualified to go to pharaoh and lead the Israelites. 

“And God chooses you, David.” The therapist would go on to say. “Your calling isn’t based on what you can do, it’s based on the fact that God loves you. 

So, what have I learned about identity? It’s not a skill you learn or something you do.  There will be times when you have to remind yourself of it.