From The Desk of David

It was there he sat. With her nestled in his arms. It was if they were lost within the depths of the wilderness and were huddling together for warmth, waiting for someone to come and rescue them from a cold and twisted nightmare. It was there, in front of the religion Hall in which they sat and it was I the past in front of them, to gain access to the building.

“There goes another one.” I thought to myself. And if I were honest with myself, I had a strange, yet understandable desire for what they had. One might dare to call it a covetous jealousy of what they had.

I step in from the cold and I was greeted with a blast of heat. I exhale. As I make my way down the long corridor, I try and shake off the misguided feelings.

“Will I ever find what they have? Will a woman ever love me even with my disability? Will she ever willing to accept that I will never be able to wrap my arms around her after a long day?” I think to myself.

You see, as someone with a disability, I tend to find myself on the outside, having to fight my way in. I constantly find myself feeling as if I must prove something to the world to gain the respect and for them to see me as their peer, as an equal. Maybe this is the problem? I know that the Lord has already set me apart, He does not call me to fit in but rather to stand out. Oh, how contrary is that idea to our very human nature. In our cookie-cutter society in which it is demands of us to look like supermodels and bodybuilders, standing out is a foreign idea.

I step in the classroom which is already half-filled. Moments later, the Professor poses the question, “How many of you men have a girlfriend?” Every hand seems to rise… Except for mine. The Professor goes on, “You can’t do ministry, as a single person. Marriage is a requirement to do ministry.” My heart sinks. My mind can’t help but wander back to this morning’s events.

The lies begin to whisper, “See. You aren’t cut out for ministry. No girl is ever going to want a relationship with you. The last one didn’t work out. You should just give up this hopeless dream.”

My mind begins to indulge these lies… “Maybe I should just give up.” I think to myself.

I step out of the class, feeling more discouraged than before I walked in.

“Something must be wrong with you.” The lies keep pounding. I slam my body into the door, dumping my frustrations upon it, throwing it open, I step into the cold, crisp December air.

Then it happened. The noise on my phone captures my attention and as the screen lights up, I see The Friend’s name and underneath it were words that my heart was begging for. “Where you place your identity, there your heart will lie also.” I am stopped dead in my tracks. I swipe open my phone to reveal the rest of the message, “David, the Lord has given you a tremendous calling and it would be to the enemy’s great pleasure to see you fail at this calling. He will try to distract you by whispering the lies of false identity. Don’t get caught up in what society tells you what you must have, but rather place your identity in which Jesus tells you who you are. You’re a child of God. There is no one else who can fulfill the calling in which the Lord has placed on your life. And don’t let anyone ever tell you any differently.”

It took everything inside of me not to break down right there on the sidewalk. These were words I needed to hear. These are words in which the world needs to hear. I need to stop letting the world tell me who I am and rather cling to the Word and what it tells me who I am.

The world will tell us that it is who we date and even associate with is what defines us. The world will tell us that the way we look defines who we are. It will even tell us that these objects of vanity define what we are capable of. But that is just how Jesus works. Jesus takes what the world says it might disqualify us and turns it into what qualifies us to spread the Good News of what He has done for us on the Cross.

Jesus, heal me from my identity crisis. Remind me that things of worldly value and worldly ambition are not what I should be concerned with. But rather, I should be concerned with what You value… People. People are what matter to You. You long for a relationship with everyone and it is the calling in which You have given to me to spread the good news of this very fact that You long to be in a relationship with everyone. So I lay down my strivings and my self-sufficiency because You are the only one in whom I need approval from. And it was on that Cross in which you said to me, “you have My approval because I am taking the judgment and scorn in which you deserve.” Help me to remember all of these things.

For His Glory,
David